dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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