oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
