Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
