how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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