So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
