The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize