i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
