oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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