She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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