i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
