Well apparently he's into motor boating.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
