I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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