Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
