Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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