Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
