I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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