If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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