I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
