Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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