He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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