it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
