You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
