I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
