I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
