I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
