At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
