When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
