I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize