Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
