How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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