garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
