i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
