She's JV to your varsity
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
