All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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