I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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