you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
