Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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