I just pynch a tree in the face
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
