Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
