Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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