I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize