I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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