what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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