Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
