How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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