if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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