these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
