Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
