A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
