drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
