Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He felt like a one man threesome
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
