Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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