How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize