I am midnight drunk by noon
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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