It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
