I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
