i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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