Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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