Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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