There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i've created a new STD.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
